Yesterday was a frustrating day. It was full of little inconveniences like a mouse in the house, my internet connection not working, and plans falling through because of a system that is somewhat unreliable and doesn’t really work the way I want it to. Some of you know I was trying to get a flight out to the town I hope to move to in a month, and that is not going to happen this week. For some reason I found myself at the end of my rope (I think it was a short rope yesterday). I didn’t feel like being gracious or accepting these things as from the Lord. And then everything that seems wrong to me in my life right now was of course brought to the surface and I had a royal pity party for myself.
One frustrating thing about this whole Guereda trip not working out is that I feel like I will never know the reason why God wants me here in Abeche for the next 2 days instead of out there. But, as I was taking my shower last night, I decided that I still have many things to be thankful about even yesterday, so I’m gonna list them so that God gets the praise: 1. I’m healthy, I have a fairly comfortable house here, and a great team. 2. I have a good Chadian friend/househelper who went to the market for me and bought rat poison. I mixed it with bread and honey, and this morning I had a dead mouse. 3. For teammates that brainstorm with me possible solutions to a problem, and let me cry on their shoulders when I fall apart 4. for new friends like Jacob and Sonja who were willing to help me out 5. for running water (not to be taken for granted) that made a shower possible (this morning its off, so that was a definite blessing!) 6. for a mosquito net tent that allows me to sleep outside where its MUCH cooler! 7. for a God that is good and loves me with steadfast love all day every day and is sovereignly working out His plan much better than I ever could
Second thing: I've been thinking a bit about the spiritual struggle we are engaged in. Among other things, something that has been incredible to me lately is the understanding that although we are in a battle, and Satan is desperately trying to discourage and deter us and test us like Job, and God allows it, God always has the upper hand. In fact, He allows it because it is the better option for us. Crazy, huh? I was reading in Hebrews 12 one day, and it is talking about discipline. I’ve always thought this refers only to discipline like punishment for doing wrong, and I think that’s definitely part of it. But, I also started to think about the analogy to being a disciplined soldier who beats his body into submission, and that God wants us to be disciplined in our lives so that we can say no to the flesh and yes to the Spirit. Hebrews 12: 11 says “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” I started to think about how God uses trials in our lives to bring about this peaceful fruit of righteousness. Later it says “strive for...the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” Christ has given us this, but part of that is being built in us through discipline leading to the “peaceful fruit of righteousness.” And what better good is there than to be able to see the Lord?! Satan thinks he will harm and destroy us, but God is refining cheap metal into gold!
Third thing (and the last, I promise): We talked last Sunday about communion, and underestimating its role in drawing us into fellowship with Christ and His body. It caused me to think more about Christ and participating in the broken body and shed blood of Christ. It reminded me that in taking communion we “proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes again.” It also reminded me of how Christ asks His disciples if they can drink the cup that He will drink, and then tells them that indeed they will drink it. And it reminded me of Colossians 1:24 “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of His body, that is, the church, of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known...” I am challenged to remember every time I take communion, that when I think I’ve got it rough, Christ took on far more than I ever have or will. I am challenged to remember in taking communion that He called us to pick up our cross and follow Him, and by taking the bread and the cup, we have a tangible reminder of that call. I am challenged to remember that not only is every trial I face working to produce in me that peaceful fruit of righteousness, but God also wants to use my afflictions to proclaim to the world Christ’s afflictions leading to their salvation.
My frustration is slowly receding as I remember the awesome God I have chosen to follow, no turning back.
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