Thirty

“I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age, the ending of an era, and the turning of a page. Now its time to focus in on where I go from here, Lord have mercy on my next 30 years.” (Tim McGraw)

There is something about turning 30 that seems to give one extra cause to stop and reflect on decades already lived, and decades yet to come. For some reason, at least to my generation, the 30th birthday seems to be a significant milestone, ominous for many, a sign that one’s youth is over and its all downhill from here. I’ve even heard some wonder if there is life after 30; thankfully, there are millions of people to attest that life indeed does go on!

As I enter a new decade, I want to look back with celebration and thankfulness, and look ahead with humble anticipation.

My life thus far has been good and full. God has given me a great family and many friends scattered all over the world. I had one of the best childhoods I can imagine, growing up in 3 different countries, experiencing a kaleidoscope of culture, language, foods, climates, religions and people that many won’t encounter in a lifetime. In my first 30 years the Lord drew me into His fold and has never stopped teaching me, growing me and pouring out His grace upon me. The Body of Christ, both that which was broken for me and that which is growing up in Him who is our Head, has become all the more dear to me. He has grown in me a passion for His Kingdom and calling the nations to worship. Over 30 different countries’ stamps decorate the 5 passports I’ve had in my lifetime, representative of incredible journeys around the globe. From a life of relative ease and comfort, the Father has given me the smallest taste of hardship, discomfort, sorrow and affliction, a mere preview of what it means to know Christ and the power of His resurrection, sharing with Him in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death so that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection of the dead. I’m learning oh so slowly how one can say from the bottom of her heart, Blessed be Your Name, in the place of abundance, or when there’s pain in the offering.

I have yet to own a home or piece of land, but there is a home with eternal foundations being prepared for me. I have yet to see my heart’s desire for a husband fulfilled, but Christ my Beloved continues to woo me into His arms. I’ve said good-bye to mother, father, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends more times than I can count, but I have already received back in abundance all of these, and I know much more awaits me in the life to come.

Looking ahead to the next 30 years, I determined a while ago that I expect them to be the best years of my life so far, whether I get to live them on earth or in the heavenlies! As Paul says, to live is Christ, and to die is gain...its a win-win situation.

As this page is turned, I wonder what is written in the next chapter of my life. Do I stand on the brink of seeing a mighty work of the Spirit among the peoples of eastern Chad? Will there be first many years of seeds falling to the ground and dying before the harvest is reaped? Will there be a husband to walk with me and children to fill my home with laughter? Will I live in one home for 10 years, or even just one year straight, or will the nomadic lifestyle continue to be mine? Will I be healthy, or struggle with physical ailments? How many more languages might I learn, how many more people will He call me to invest in, how many more lands might I dwell? What, even, is the number of my days? Will I get to go Home tomorrow, in 20 years, or will I see the Lord returning in His glory before I reach the grave?

God only knows the answers to all those questions, and the many more that are yet unasked. I am so thankful that I don’t know the answers, that He gives me light for each day as I need it, and that in His sovereign steadfast love He holds my future that He is orchestrating and ordaining for His glory and my good. He is more than worthy of my absolute trust.

My prayer for tomorrow and the days to follow is simple: Lord have mercy.

I want my next 30 years to be characterized by Christ and Christ alone. I know that the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Lord have mercy.

I long for the pleasures that the world offers to fade in the light of the Sun of Righteousness as He rises in my heart with healing in His wings. Lord have mercy.

I desire my heart to yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness, but I know it will only come with the Refiner’s fire. Lord have mercy.

I want to know Christ, and the power of His resurrection. I want to proclaim Him, toiling to present everyone mature in Christ. I want to be counted worthy of suffering for the sake of His Name that I might in some small way fill up the afflictions of Christ, proclaiming the cross to the nations. Lord, have mercy.

From the opening of this chapter, throughout its pages, until the final words, I long to find Christ all-sufficient, to say to Him who is my Beloved, I have found the One whom my soul loves, to declare the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

Lord have mercy.